the real real.

Wrote this listening to:
Free- Amir Obe
Lost- Frank Ocean
Bad Religion- Frank Ocean

Where to begin? When it has been a while and I really do not know where to pick up from, I start my pieces this way. I also start my pieces this way if there is much I wish to avoid. Option two wins this time because yes I do not want to think about most of the events that have taken place in a while. I do not know what I avoid, this just feels right.

A friend I truly value referred to me as a “feeler” a month or two ago. It was said with great loving intention and it really stuck with me. In the moment I asked, “Feeler? What do you mean?” She continued by looking me in the eye, grabbing onto the J train pole, and saying, “You pick up what is around you, you can feel what everyone feels.”

This stuck. It stuck because it is the foundation to my life. This is a theory I came across during a long long long reflection and meditation. I thank god for always providing me with both head and heart, however, I always ask him why he made my heart just a tad bit bigger than my head. I am an empath, 100%. For sure, I start my share of shit and have a reasonable amount of self doubt, but for the most part I am an amazing, caring, genuine, understanding ass human. I am so proud of the journey I have decided to go on, but I am also not so proud of certain choices I have decided to make either. This made me happy to hear because I believe it was one of the first times I have really been called that. I am a lover, an apathetic nurturer, and I do pay attention to what is around me. Most importantly, I care about a lot of things and if I do something, it comes from my heart.

I am at the stage in my life where you can feel every hour of the day. The day flashes by or it takes its sweet ass time, it sucks. Thank god I love what I do. I am happy in my place and just need to start making smarter decisions.

You think what you are doing now is what you’ll be doing forever, yet you feel suddenly politcal. hmmm.

24 huh.

* receives message*

omg…. omgggg what just happened?

close up photo of person holding pizza
Photo by Kenneth Carpina on

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