Thinking about my next project.
I’m not sure what course this book will take. Not sure what approach to rely on. Can’t decide which feeling to trust.
I’ve been exploring emotional memory a little in depth— I want to master the concept of emotional memory and it’s correlation to absurd or impulsive behavior. I want to see if there’s any relation, correlation, narrative, history, and or testimony present when it comes to this discourse. I find myself not always remembering things people tell me because I never attached an emotion or feeling to the moment when that conversation was being had. I find myself disconnected from things and people that are not passionate or well intentioned. My way of thought happens emotionally and I want to mention that it truly doesn’t mean that there are limitations to tapping into the logical and rational side of your brain. Emotional intelligence is importantly valuable and it’s a super power skill to have. I’m grateful for my emotional memory.
I say this because if I’m writing this book it’s because some sort of destruction and healing had to take place again. However, I’ve also came to the realization that it’s ALWAYS going to happen. It’s always going to be a cycle of trials and errors, it’s always going to be a journey, it’s always going to be painful… it’s the pain you choose to invest your time in. The pain that’s worth it. The pain that brings joy and you know your energy, body, time, mental capacity is chugging along with this pain because the big picture is so clear and worthy.
I write again because I want to be better than where I was yesterday. I write again because this old love taught me something new about myself and something very new about the world. This one won’t be solely about the hurt, but the realizations that have come with the experiences now. I’m healing through my emotional memory. I’ll do this by respecting my emotions but setting my boundaries. It’s okay to reflect, but it’s not okay to tolerate disrespect from others or the self. So instead of romanticizing our trauma, we’re going to work through it and heal.
I bring this up because I am sure of one thing. I want to draw a line and begin a new chapter. I’m sure that this new woman I’m becoming is respecting her personal well structured boundaries and will tolerate no more “fuckery”. There is no room for those who do not create emotional memory for me.