HBD N. 4/27

Wrote this listening to: All Bank albums

Life really moves too quickly. To think I wrapped up my journey at Depauw last May, to working three jobs until I figured out what I really wanted (needed) to do, to finally being where I want to be (just struggling a bit).

This time wait for no one. I have lost friends based on their own insecurities, I have faced hardships in my very very very personal and serious friendships. It has been a testing game. I have fallen in and out of love and have found the importance in foundational structure. A clean, genuine, true, healthy, productive and progressive structure.

I found myself missing school this weekend, because I am not around for little 5. I wonder why I miss it, and it isn’t the school. It is my sisters, my friends, my family. I guess I had to write today. To remind myself that I am not missing out on anything. That I left a place that caused me a lot of pain. A place I did not necessarily focus in. Release is good. To have this on “paper” feels better.

I am so in love. Or at least it’s how i feel right now. Some things I would change, but I am so sure he feels the same. Reminds me of my father, truly. In a good way. My father was not bad.

Since May 2018 I have worked as a Social Emotional Learning Specialist at an elementary school of mine and have hosted at two restaurants. It was not until January 2019 that I did not find a full time position in which I instantly found what I want to make a career out of. During the period of working three jobs, I also was applying to school, took my GRE, and did amazing on it! I have always focused on the past. Always wanted to know why. Why is it that things took place in the way that they did? Anyway, with that being said, I have chosen to taken the path of a Youth Developer. My experience as a junior counselor, group leader, specialist, office manager and my experience as a 10 year non-profit camp participant, as well as after school student has made me realize that my goal in life is to give back to the programs, and students who need it the most.

So I have decided to further my education and strive for the pursuit of happiness, this means more loans of course. I will be attending the CUNY School Of Professional Studies to work towards my M.A in Youth Studies this Fall.

It is exciting to news to someone who has always considered herself stuck or behind. The expectations placed on us in life sometimes carry too much weight. However, sometimes I think about how that weight is only added on to our lives by our own-selves. It is good to let go of your negative voice. The voice that limits you from being you. The prosperous you. The you that can let go of hurt, pain, struggle, and just…too much.

sometimes I think people fall in love because they do not want to do life alone.
Why do people miss people?
Why do people die?

I want to remind you to never give up. You may not eat for a couple of weeks, fight with your parter, have to scramble money to pay important things out of nowhere… but in some weird way it always works out.

Figure out your spirituality, but take your time. You do not have to choose a religious per-say, but can if you’d like… however, your energies do need to go somewhere. Your burdens, your reliefs, your chakras need to be as aligned as they can be for this war on life.

Continue to be your own artist, and create as easily as you can. Life is your canvas and thou shall prosper.

We are always going to be stuck… I just do not see myself getting trapped.


person using typewriter
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