Wrote this listening to:
The Chainsmokers- Good Intentions
The Chainsmokers- New York City
The Chainsmokers- Roses
Justin Bieber- Sorry
Major Lazer ft. Ellie Goulding- Powerful
(All on repeat…)
It took me some time.
But I finally decided to do it.
I finally took the time to sit here, in this vintage ass library to tell you everything that you need to know. It’s nice out. The sun is out, however the wind keeps everything at balance. Perfect. It’s not 57, but it’s perfect.
Lets start with how I met you. When I found out that I could have one, I volunteered right away. I wanted to take care of someone just like I was taken care of. My mom is great.
October 17, 2015. That was the first time I have ever seen you in person.
October 18, 2015 was when I decided to go stay with you.
We’ve been in constant communication prior to this though.
You took me in, so did your brothers. Very welcoming. I appreciate you for that. It was brave. Tell them I love them.
I was able to spend a couple of days with you. I was able to sit in your presence and just watch you. Just from your interactions with me and others, I picked up so much.
You are the sweetest thing. The compassion you carry is incredible. You make sure everything around you is okay, before thinking about yourself. I am not sure if you notice that yourself, but it’s something that stuck out to me immediately. You made sure that I was well fed, comfortable, and decent enough to know my way around. Let me remind you, you were still on your regular school schedule. Tough.
You’re like me in so many ways, it super scary. I notice you’re funny. Extremely. However, that humor is there for a reason. You shut down, you close up. Humor is your outlet. You make others laugh so they don’t ask about your trauma. You make others laugh because you think seeing other people happy will help heal you. It’s not and although it makes me so proud and elated that you prefer to see others content before you, it is still concerning.
I am not saying you’re completely broken. However, you’re not fully put together. Internally at least. If you’re anything like your mama, I speak from experience.
Speaking from and of it… (Experience).
You have a lot. You have blossomed from struggle and its seriously the most beautiful thing anyone can come from. You use it though. You use it to keep you pushing, you use it to remind you that there is more to you than you will ever think there is.
You are all about service.
Academics are your priorities.
You aim to make mama and papa proud, don’t you? You work day and night to make sure your money isn’t going to waste because it is totally different now.
You start thinking about how you’re going to give back when you graduate.
You don’t do things you REALLY want to do because you’re afraid of hurting peoples feelings. There goes your compassion again.
You don’t understand how proud I am of you. You probably have heard this so much in the past month or week and although I find the opportunity to always tell you, I’ll tell you again.
Seeing you accomplish everything you wanted to this past semester has filled me with all of the joy in the world. You put your mind and heart to this and weren’t alone in doing it… That was the hardest part. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable with your brothers and myself. You allowed yourself to be conscious of your limits and abilities. You recognized your weakness and put it to the test with the help of many. That in itself is something extremely difficult to do, since we all wear our masks all the time.
People find you being great at blending into anything at anytime. You must be like some sort of Khameleon. You’re smooth. Seems like you got my dominant trait haha.
If there is something I want you to get out of this it’s:
For you to know that since I came into your life… you will have all the headaches in the world, but always have someone to come to at any day or time.
I want you to continue being the ambitious, genuine, funny, sarcastic, diligent, and amazing man that you are. I want you to carry your principle and value to the highest, while also educating and helping those around you always.
You’ve made it. Now your challenges will start to appear in the real world. Your weaknesses will be tested more often and it will begin to feel like you never ended. Your fight isn’t temporary anymore. This is life.
My views from the 6… my 6… interesting are they?
I thank you for being one of the greatest people I have ever met.
I’ll see you soon, Khameleon. Try not to do too much blending. I know your true colors therefore hiding from mama wouldn’t be such a good idea.
Thank you for making me the proudest mother out there.
Hijo, I love you. Chin up, remember?